Rick

So yeah, Election season’s over now. As a aspiring stand-up comedian I need to get back to my roots -talking shit.

En garde!

So yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve had some shit happen to me that just left me in a stupor for the rest of my day. Yesterday I was at the Grand with a friend I’ve neglected (I.E. Damn near everyone I associated with Pre-Fall 2006.) and some of his likely equally neglected friends. We were like, seven deep and I knew one damn person outta the whole group. Ah. black people. Anyway, So after some wasted time, we all went and got something to eat. And here’s where the fun begins.

So we’re all eating and naturally, you can’t get black men and women together without talking about the ills of the black dating experience.[1] Having never been in a relationship that lasted longer than three weeks,[2] I should keep my mouth shut during such conversations, but then, I’ve never been too good at not saying whatever I’m thinking.

So yeah. As we leave, we still speak on it. This big chick with us decides to take a moment to rail on yours truly in the vein of:

“And then you have guys who just don’t take care of themselves anymore but still want to come at somebody. They can’t dress, and they don’t work out. Like you. (She points to me.) You ain’t a bum ass nigga but you’re too small. I couldn’t fuck with no nigga that scrawny. I need a man that can protect me.”

She goes on “I didn’t mean to come at you like that, but I’m saying you, you’re TOO skinny.”

Anyway, I simply reply, “A problem you wish we had in common.”

Next thing you know, people around us treated to a brief yet very profane presentation of the arguments “Big is Beautiful” and “Diabetes isn’t though”.

And then, out of nowhere, this rotund meatbag [3] smacks me clear across the face and storms out of the mall with who was presumably her ride in tow.

I stand there looking at my dude like “Dog, WTF”? While random high school kids with no future point and laugh.

Moral of the Story:

In this day and age, people are more sensitive about their bodies than ever, and combining my dry wit with Body Dysmorphic Disorder ends with violence. Given, every other jackass can ask me if I ever eat and assume I’m incapable of lifting absurdly low amounts of weight for a grown man, (People have expressed genuine surprise at my ability to curl 20 pounds. Wtf?) but I make one comment about the sound of collapsed ankles in relation to the sound shaking a bag of marbles would make and all of the sudden I’m the spawn of Satan. Tch. Life lessons blow.

Footnotes:

[1] – Relationships fail because people do stupid things in their duration, or found them on stupidity. I have a saying. “Stupidity is the antithesis to Success.” Take it if you want, It’ll make you look smarter than any sentence beginning with “On the G”. I’m just saying, most women look for the absolute most pointless qualities in a man and call them “standards”. And Men have an uncanny way of fucking a good thing up by any means. Why cheat on Princess Leia with Jabba the Hutt? [3] It ain’t gonna be that bad. Beat it like the rest of us if you can’t get the draws that night. [4]

[2] – Guess what year this was, and you win a soda. No, really.

[3] – Star Wars references FTW. Yeah, I went there. And yall ain’t gon’ do sheeeeat.

[4] – Any smart woman would TOTALLY support her boyfriend watching pr0n. Especially if you don’t believe in sex before marriage/trust him.” He’s less likely to cheat if you let him beat his meat.”[5]

[5] – FUCK that was clever! Truth varies from man to man.

(Yahoo) NEW YORK – President-elect Barack Obama has won another contest: He’s been named Time magazine’s “Person of the Year” for 2008.

The magazine has named Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, French President Nicolas Sarkozy, Gov. Sarah Palin and Chinese director Zhang Yimou as runners-up.

Last year’s winner was Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin. Previous individual winners have included Bono, President George W. Bush and Amazon.com CEO and founder Jeff Bezos.

(The Boombox) Though we haven’t seen the critics’ reviews yet, Notorious B.I.G. biopic, ‘Notorious’ already has one huge supporter in the Brooklyn great’s former partner Sean “Diddy” Combs, formerly known as Puff Daddy. As the Bad Boy chief told MTV, “Truth be told, I was blown away by the movie. I was entertained by the movie. The movie is what was happening. Can’t no critics speak on it. I’m telling you, that’s my life right there. That’s what it was. That’s what was happening.”

This is high praise coming from a star who is far from easily pleased, and it’s a difficult subject altogether due to Big’s place in the rap cannon, but ever since we heard Cheo Hodari Coker (who also wrote a stellar Biggie biography) was penning the film, we’ve been excited about its release.

“At the end of the movie, it messed me up,” Diddy added. “I was messed up for two weeks. It made you miss him in the right way. It made you count your blessings. It’s definitely a tear-jerker. It’s definitely a movie you’re gonna be dancing in, crying in, you’re gonna love it. You’re gonna wanna see it again.”

‘Notorious’ will be released on January 13th. It stars Angela Basset, rapper Gravy (Jamal Woolard) as Big, and Derek Luke as Puff, who you know must have done his thing, otherwise we’d have heard about it. The soundtrack for the film is looking pretty juicy as well, with a collaboration between Big and his son CJ (ala Natalie and Nat King Cole) so look out for that.

I will have to check this one out for myself….We Shall See!!!!

Hey Readers….it has definitely been a while since I have written….Anyways….Enjoy

People.com reports “Usher and Tameka Raymond welcomed their second son, Naviyd Ely Raymond, on Wednesday, Dec. 10, 2:33 a.m. weighing 5 lbs., 13 oz.,” says the rep. “Tameka and the baby are doing fine.”

Naviyd joins older brother Usher Raymond V, who turned 1 on Nov. 26. The parents married in 2007. Tameka, 37, also has three sons from a previous relationship.

A source tells PEOPLE that Usher was at his wife’s side during the delivery.

Last month, he told Access Hollywood that his soon-to-arrive baby was “one of the best Christmas gifts there is to have.”

“I’m so proud to be a father by the time I’m 30,” Usher (who hit the big 3-0 in October) told PEOPLE back in August. “I’d hate to be 80 years old and not be able to run with my kids. I need to still be able to do flips when they’re in high school!”

Well Congrats Ush and Tameka!!!!

BTW I wonder what Obama and Bush talked about yesterday???

By: Big Brother

Ladies and Gentlemen: we are in the midst of history! In our life time as young African American men, we were told by our parents, teachers, and other important political figures that we would never see or have a black man as President. Not only are we about to possibly break that trend, but we are about to be tested with everyone’s reaction whether Senator Barack Obama wins or loses this election.

Let me set the record straight, first of all I’m not voting for Senator Barack Obama because he is a Bi-racial Presidential candidate, I’m voting for Senator Obama because I’m a democrat, and I truly believe Senator Obama is sent by GOD to take our country to the next phase concerning the economy, the wars, and the prosperity of the people.

On November 4, 2008 millions of people will go to the polls, and cast their vote for the highest office in the world, and the outcome will be a surprise and a celebration for some. In a class discussion, someone asked me a question that went like this: “Andre, can I ask you something without offending you?” My reply was sure. The person asked me if I was voting for Senator Barack Obama because he was black! Naturally, I was a little pissed off, however I used Godly wisdom and I replied like this: “Are you voting for John McCain and every other Presidential candidate because they are white? And the gentlemen said explain your questions. I replied with the following: for years white men have been in the position of President of the United States of America, and no one has ever asked if we were voting for that person because of the color of their skin, naturally you couldn’t because up until now all of the candidates have been white. So it shouldn’t make a difference on why I’m voting for Barack Obama for President. So, with that said, YES I’m voting for Barack Obama because he is 1) Qualified 2) Has an incredible economic plan 3) With the help of Senator Joe Biden he will remove us from the useless war 4) Will provide the change that America Needs 5) It will be a fresh start for America 6) John McCain is nuts, and has publically said and I quote “spreading the wealth is the most ridiculous thing that I’ve ever heard, and I would never do that.”

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Thurgood Marshall, Colin Powell, Benjamin Banneker, Zora Neale Hurston, Dr. Marva Collins, Rosa Parks, Malcolm X, and the list can go on and on concerning popular and effective African Americans. We can now proudly add Senator Barack Obama to the list. Senator Barack Obama: the first African American to win a major party’s Presidential nomination 2) One of the youngest Senator’s in the Senate 3) Raised more money than any other Presidential campaign in history of Presidential Elections 4) Arguably the fastest rise to the top in political history 5) Hands down, one of the only politicians with great integrity. 6) Breaking racial barriers concerning the way people are voting.

As a little boy if you would have asked me if we would ever have a black President, I probably would have said no. Now as an older mature man who has the right and privilege to vote, I can proudly say that we are close.

From a historical perspective, our ancestors fought, pleaded, went to jail, and even killed for the right to vote. Who would have ever thought that that right would be granted, and then used to vote in one of our own people into the office of President of the United States? Its close, our time is now, the nations time is now, Senator Barack Obama for President.

Being able to live a great life, being able to worship and celebrate Jesus Christ, being able to be a college graduate, being able to live past 18 in Milwaukee, these were all questionable in a lot of young black men’s lives. In addition to that, being able to vote for a bi-racial or black Presidential candidate was almost impossible. It is now by the grace of GOD that I can add voting for Senator Barack Obama to one of my life’s accomplishments.

A now ask for everyone to say a special prayer for Senator Barack Obama and Senator John McCain. Lord protect them and their family, let your will be done in this election, and cover them and their family. We speak against all plots of death, and anger towards either candidate.

Let your voice be heard, be apart of a Change…vote on November 4, 2008 despite your party affiliation.

I proudly support Senator Barack Obama for President and Senator Joseph Biden for Vice-President of the greatest country in the world, the United States of America.

dredouglas@gmail.com

Good morning all. Busy at work so don’t have too much time to write. I see Big Brother  has some of you up in arms about tithes and offerings but remember…”you can’t beat God’s givin’…no matta howwwwwww ya tryyyyyyyeeeeeeee.”

Did you see the debate last night? If not click on this link…yea this one…to check it out courtesty of the NY Times. Bony Stark will be writing about it soon I’m sure.

Be back later

Listener17@yahoo.com

Fact #188 Rapper Snoop Dogg attended the same high school as actress Cameron Diaz.

Pastor Creflo A. Dollar

By: Big Brother

By: Big Brother

I’m a blogger for the Word Press Group; I’m not criticizing anyone, or their beliefs. This is something to get the discussion flowing. 

Are the blessings of the Lord greater based on the amount of your giving?  

Give and it will come back to you, good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, Give and it will come back to you, when you give, give to the Lord.

Giving is great, giving is beautiful.  In fact I give to my church home very often and don’t mind.  I’m a firm believer in the tithe and the offering. A lot of people are in the same situation I am concerning giving, however, there is another group of people who just don’t give at all.  Are these people still blessed or are they cursed with a curse?  According to the word of GOD these people are cursed with a curse. 

Now what about those people who can’t give as much as others?  Those people who are experiencing rough economic times?  If they aren’t giving, are they cursed with a curse because they can’t give or are they exempt because of a struggling and challenging economy? 

What about the pastors that like to do hundred and thousand dollar offering lines?  The people that can’t give those large amounts of money are looked at differently and sometimes put on the spot. How are they put on the spot you ask?  Simple, how many times have you heard a pastor or minister say “I need X amount of people to give X amount of dollars?”  Or “If you give this amount, I believe that the Lord is going to do something supernatural in your life; I believe that healing will take place, and I believe the LORD is going to answer your prayers.”  What about the people that can’t stand in those X amount of dollar lines, and can’t give the high offerings, has GOD looked over them?  If he hasn’t, then why is the church?

Think about this for a second, how many times have you been asked to give a high offering and you don’t have it to give?  Did you not get the special prayer that the BIG givers received?  Did God not bless you with something that you were expecting?  Did you lose your life or something important to you because you didn’t have it to give? 

The TBN network host their monthly praise-a-thons were people who come can be preached to for hours, hear great psalmist minister in song and be elevated to the next level of God.  All of that is great but should it cost them $700.00, $1000, $5,000 or even $10,000?  WOW….  

Now before we start getting angry, I’m not talking about giving to the man and woman of GOD, until now.  Is it necessary to give the pastors an X Amount of dollars for birthdays, anniversaries and founder’s day celebrations?  What about your birthdays and anniversaries?  Now while I must admit that I have participated in many of these, is it needed?  Does GOD look over you for choosing not to partake in these types of offerings?  Does the church frown on you if you don’t give?  Is the message thrown out the window after you receive the word and not give to the pastor if asked?  Are your feelings hurt now?  

Let’s think about this for a second:  The pastor(s) receives a stipend, check or some type of expense account from most churches. They drive nice cars, own homes and don’t work a regular job like most church people.  Is it needed to “bless” them several times a year with several types of offerings especially when you’re already giving your tithe and offering and serving the ministry through the Ministry of help? 

For example, I was watching a church revival and the spirit of GOD was all in the place. People were being healed, delivered and set free.  In the midst of worship, the pastor asked the people to sew a seed of $500.00 for a guaranteed blessing.  When the pastor asked that question it was like shock went over the congregation.  The people looked distraught, and the looks on their faces were in disgust and of great concern.  After all of that worship and praise everything had been thrown out the window when he or she asked for that high offering.  Did this pastor have to set an amount?  Or was there a hidden motive?  

To close this blog, I just want to say that it is important to tithe, give and occasionally be a blessing to the leaders of your house. I can testify that not being able to give the high amounts of offerings that are sometimes asked by church leaders, televangelist and other ministry officials hasn’t affected the way that GOD has been blessing me. I tithe 10 percent of my payroll, I give decent offerings, and I attempt to give to any church balloon payments, building funds and special offerings that I can. 

When it comes down to giving, don’t be ashamed to give GOD what you have. God accepts our gifts as long as we give them cheerfully and as long as you tithe your ok. When preachers, pastors and others ask you to give to the church, pastor, special offerings or other causes, pray and ask GOD how HE wants you to give. I know a person who gives a lot of money to their ministry and is more depressed, broke and disgusted than a person who gives very minimum amounts of money. To answer the question does GOD bless those who give more money better than those who give less, my answer would be no.

Bring the entire tithe into the storehouse!  Will a man rob GOD? Giving… is it just money or can it be time?  

Sound off, what are your thoughts??? Do you agree or do you disagree with the content?  What do you think about giving in terms of the church? 

AXDouglas@yahoo.com